I was asked to shed light on what 'real men' want. Not the players or abusers, mind you. But the average man. The hard working men who are capable of love and devotion. Well, that is pretty simple: same as you ladies.
The number one thing that attracts a man is NOT a nice body. Yes were are visual, and attracted to what we see. That only goes so far. Here is an interesting concept as well for the predominant attraction for a good man, is also a repellent for the assface players of the world and they seek the EXACT opposite.
Confidence.
The simple truth of it all is a never ending chaos when dating or hoping to find a mate. A good man wants a woman who is comfortable with herself and with her body. Who doesn't want the lights turned out (particularly after years of marriage for chrissakes) and can actually enjoy passionate acts without any or minimal insecurities.
Ladies, ever wonder why men stare at models? Nope, not their bodies and I can tell you that for certainty. I am a card carrying member of the "Chubby-Chasers" club and yet I will still stare at a size 4. I probably wouldn't do the bonebag... sorry to all natural size 4's, but I am attracted. The answer is the confidence they exhaust out of every pore on that runway. It is the same thing with PORN. Men want the wanton slut. The unabashed harlot who doesn't repress herself. THAT is sexy. To be wanted...is sexy. To want pleasure...is simply sexy. We watch the strut for the struts sake. We want the women who are content with themselves. The real average man does anyway. The woman who thinks sexy, acts sexy and is sexy because of it all. That same confidence indicates security, and low and behold that is the same attractant for women now isn't it? The confident man.
Insecurity and low self esteem isn't sexy. Sorry. Hard truth for some. Just as a woman finds that a turn-off so does a man for different reasons. We men know that a woman who isn't secure with herself..will CHEAT. She is prone to it. More likely to to build her self esteem and we will not take that chance, or at least not for very long with someone who we feel is: a "fixer-upper".
Loyalty and commitment are forms of security.If you aren't secure, you just don't have it.
The overly needy woman who has to be constantly lifted, is quite simply a risk. It is only a manner of time. We men think in competitive terms in everything. We know that there are stronger, younger, more well-endowed or wealtheir men out there, somewhere. Thus, we also know that a woman with low self esteem more than half the time, both consciously and subconsciously will commit infidelity as a way to boost herself. Now the smarter of you all know that this reaction is a temporary fix. Most do not however, and fall into the trap of always "boosting" from male after male. Seeking solace. Seeking VALIDATION. We don't have time for that in our lives, sorry. We would like someone who doesn't treat us as a stepping stone or the "for now" man. Mind you this isn't exclusive either, I have known a few men who sought the same validation and most men brag about their "conquests". Even the gay ones.
Yet, it is different for a man as 99% of the time it is not seeking validation in the same manner as women. Men seek to be desired yes, to feel sexy and attractive, hell yes. The difference is we know going in what it is that drives us. Society allows the lame excuse of sowing our oats or our strong reproductive urges to ensue the human genes. Well, yes there is evidence to support that, but it is a COP-OUT! You tell your body what to do, not the other way around. Saying "No" is quite simple, if you claim to actually love another person. Yet, men know it is a temporary fix...that is why we delegate "side chicks" and have affairs. The players want the cake and to eat it too. Want the long term love and as many young, hot vixens we can get in our bed to knotch our bedpost up to manhood again. That is the difference. Women deal more on emotion than primal logic. They do not see it as plainly as that. it isn't as direct. Shrouded in romance and sensuality it is an affair, online or in reality, that at it's base is a search for that same validation. To be desired. To be wanted. Lusted. Further than that, to be...loved. As with all things down to the difference between the sexes,it is much more an emotional search for validation to a woman, than a man.
So, back to the players and abusers before I close this chapter. I mentioned they wish the opposite, it is true. They consciously and subconsciously search for VICTIMS. For women who are unable to see themselves as beautiful. Women who are unable to see themselves as sexy. Worse yet, for women who are unable to see themselves as lovable. I have cautioned time and time again about these wastes of so-called manhood, they search for PREY.
They smell it, catch the scent and fall upon you. Say all the right things they know you want to hear, and behave like a man until they are done with you, or have you in their grips for life. Whether it is the one that uses you for sex for months or years never committing, or the one that confesses love and then blackens your eye twice a week. The beast is the same. It doesn't love you. Doesn't respect you. And isn't a man. It is a piece of shit masquerading as a man. More likened to a boy who hasn't grown up. Insecure behind macho bravado and somewhere still crying in a corner afraid of the world. The false confidence and all the lies cannot stay at hand forever. Soon the curtain falls if you are open to seeing it.
The problem here is this, women who have been hurt by these men...tend to seek more out. The pattern continues. Seeking liars, cheats and abusers because they seem confident, seem secure, seem attractive. That facade, whether real or not is what most women want. Trading everything, every part of themselves to have a good looking or financially secure mate make them feel attractive, special, and well cared for. This pattern continues with different faces, but the same damn man for as many years as it takes for that woman to hopefully wake up. Sadly, many do not, EVER. I have seen lives wasted with man after man who cheated, lied, abused etc. and the woman just keeps on picking them. The signs are blatant, she is blind or does not care, for he is attractive, he says the right things, or he can support her lifestyle.
Heres a fucking novel of an idea... DO IT YOURSELF! I see so many women who purport to be "strong and independent" crying how they cannot find a good man. Bitch...you are BLIND! What you mean is you cannot believe in yourself or your own power and feel you NEED a man to validate you, make you feel attractive and secure. Yet, you seek men who add up to those expectations. You separate by class, never getting to know some men based on how they look, how much money they make, or some particular bogus superficial reason. This from a sex that claims to always love deeper and truer and supposed to be more in tune emotionally? Some of you should close your eyes and attempt to find real love and what really matters.
Herein lies the conundrum... we always want people more attractive either physically or on some other level to validate us. To make us feel acceptable on their level. Wow, what complete and utter stinking plastic bullshit! You're right that is much more imortant than having a mate that will love, be loyal, and never leave your heart or your side until you're dead! How silly of me! Everyone men and women, seem to think "trading up" makes them better. Sorry, cold truth is it makes you an devolved and insecure person willing to trade principles and substantial real emotions, as well as a possible soulmate...for your own validation.
You want to feel better about yourself? YOU have that power already. Only you can do that. Get more education, change your appearance, help the homeless, do the right thing and live well! Otherwise play the victim and fall into those patterns. The real men of the world will pass you by, we do not want damaged goods, hard as that is to swallow. We want someone who loves themselves so we can love them too! We want a lifetime and a lovetime where we can adore you, pamper you, and care for you. We do not want to spend all of our energy waiting for you to cheat. leave, or watch you in your self imposed misery. We tire of that quickly, and we will move on.
No one will truly love you, the real you, for who you and all you are...until you love yourself. No one will even want you for that one night stand, unless it is choosing you for it's victim.
Seek to love yourself...don't be a victim.
~P.W.
Confidence is definitely sexy, both in your mate and in yourself. I love feeling confident and even more so when you respond to me because of it.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad to see so many women seek to make themselves the "ideal" woman instead of learning to love themselves.
I would say more, but I'm too far gone on pain meds to think straight. It's good to see you blogging on a more regular basis, baby.
You have voiced my suspicions. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what to think about you. I think at times you actually are a woman in disguise but then you do this. You are 100% correct in your blog saying that us men want confidence and will pass on women without. I learned that lesson after my first wife cheated on me 3 times and we divorced. She just couldn't see herself as beautiful unless other men did. I was never enough for her because of her insecurities.
ReplyDeleteAfter that horrible experience and many years of dealing with it, a therapist even told me that I need to stay away from women with poor body self image issues as they commit the most infidelity of anyone. My therapist was a woman by the way! So, yeah, men will fuck those types of women for a night or a while but we do not want them. They are just cum dumpsters because we know they will cheat and not be able to commit and keep their legs closed for any good length of time. Use them and lose them but never marry them.